Splish Splash
by brokensocks
Summary: Kanda's not the only one who wants to take a bath.


_**D. Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura, aka not me.**_

_**This fanfiction, however, does.**_

A young Japanese exorcist whose height couldn't transcend five feet listlessly dragged himself into the men's bathing room. He had just returned from an unprecedentedly long mission located conveniently on the other side of the world with his nosy, troublesome, aggravating, loud (in Daisya's case), and annoying teammates. The rough ride home was enough to make him high-strung and wanted nothing more than to rest in the peace and quiet of his room at the headquarters. He would have done immediately so upon arrival but the uncomfortable stickiness and muck that clung to his body and hair and clothes during his mission's battles compelled him to get clean first before soiling his lovely pristine bed.

As he let the water fill the tub he pushed off the black coat caked with blood and mud and continued to strew his filthy clothing all over the quaint tiled flooring. Small children his age usually never bothered organizing or gathering up their mess. He hoisted himself into the bathtub, deeply appreciating the luxury the bathwater had to offer by washing away the initial dirt that had settled onto his body. After rinsing himself to his heart's content, he viewed the various bottles that sat on the wooden tub's edge. He curiously picked one up and attempted to read the foreign labels. His English oral skills were decent enough, but he still had a hard time distinguishing the strange Western characters from each other. Nevertheless, he popped the cap open and cautiously sniffed whatever aroma the substance emitted. For further experimenting he slowly poured some of the liquid into his left hand and rubbed it against the skin of his right arm, and then some into his hair. It seemed to work fine until some of the soapy solution dribbled down his forehead and into his eyes.

"Gyahh!" His eyeballs burned and he scrunched up his face in displeasure. He ground the back of his hands mercilessly against his squeezed-tight eyelids in a vain attempt to relieve himself of the corrosive sting gnawing at his eyeballs. He sat there wincing and finally peeled his bloodshot eyes open once the agony became tolerable and warily avoided the other bottles containing the acidic fragrant concoction. After another brief session of rubbing his eyes he noticed a bar of soap lying next to the bottles. He blinked and picked it up; good old soap. This was one thing he knew he could use and not burn up.

He was in the middle of lathering the soap on a small towel he brought when a knock on the door disturbed the quiet and tranquil atmosphere. Kanda didn't look up from his work but he answered, "I'm in here."

The door opened and a young girl with long black hair like his but disheveled unlike his poked her face in. The boy recognized almost immediately who she was but did not know exactly who she was. He thought he could recall a time where the grownups had introduced them but he brushed off her existence as he did by default with the others. To him, she was known as the girl who cried a lot, which further solidified his opinion of women being the weaker sex.

Kanda gasped in shock and scowled at the shy visitor. She really had some nerve, coming in even though someone was already occupying the stall, a major transgression of privacy. On top that, she was in the men's room!

"I already said I was in here! Are you deaf? This is the boys' side, you can't be here!"

Lenalee blinked, remembering him also. To her, he was known as the boy who frowned like a toad. "Oh, it's you." She quickly slipped into the small bathroom, closing the door behind her. It seemed like it was _because_ of the fact Kanda was there she _came_ in instead of leaving.

"Hey! Aren't you listening? Go away!" His feelings of being violated intensified.

"I want to take a bath too," was her innocent reply. However, Lenalee wasn't ignorant. She knew perfectly well that she was in a zone off-limits to women. That's why the location was all the more convenient for her; her pursuers would never suspect her to be in here.

"If you want to take a bath, do it in the girls' bathroom, not here! Get lost!"

"But I don't like taking baths by myself. It gets lonely and empty and cold. And there's no one else awake right now so the only one I can take a bath with is you," Lenalee merely answered and was already undressing herself. Kanda's mouth flew open again, fully ready to protest, but caught sight of a large green blotch speckled with purple on her upper arm. He stared at the shriveled and rickety frame emerging from the cloth, momentarily at a loss for words. He himself was rather scrawny, but she was toothpicks compared to him. The closer he examined, he thought he could make out pink chafing winding around her bony wrists. When she had successfully pulled her long black dress over her head, he noticed her even skinnier legs painted with dull black and blue hues.

He blinked, confused. As far as he knew, this girl wasn't even an exorcist yet, how could she have been banged up so badly? Was it training?

The flow of questions swimming around in his head came to a halt when Lenalee clambered into the spacious tub with a 'splash'. She had already shed all of her garb into a neat little pile next to the sloppy and scattered heap of his grimy uniform.

His eyes widened. "What the—what the hell do you think you're doing? Get out! Now!" Bruised body or not, he wasn't going to have pity on her and let her stay. Pity was for weak people.

Lenalee pouted at him as she soaked in the bathwater. "Why? What's your problem? It's not like I'm hurting you."

"My problem is _you_! This is weird! Here I am, trying to relax and wash myself, and then you come barging in all of a sudden! Girls shouldn't take baths with boys!"

"Nuh-uh! It's not weird! I took baths with my brother."

"That's because he's your _brother_! I'm not your brother! Damn it, you're such a pain!" After his declaration, he pushed himself over the edge and out of the tub, bringing with him the washcloth and soap. He plopped himself down on a wooden footstool next to the tub and began to scrub his face and hair. He should have known that the golden pre-Lenalee moment of peace was too good to be true. The morons around him would continue irritate him to the ends of the earth and beyond his final days.

Lenalee glided over to the edge of the tub next to Kanda's seat. "Hey, why don't you stay in here? It's cold and the water's warm. You'll get sick."

"Stupid girl, why would I stay in the same bathtub as you? This is how we take baths in Japan, anyways."

"Huh? But don't you feel cold? Without water and everything? Wouldn't you get sick?" questioned Lenalee incredulously.

"Tch. It's nothing."

There was a brief moment of silence as Lenalee watched Kanda switch from rubbing his face with the soapy washcloth to his back. He slung the cloth over his shoulder and grabbed the end with his opposite hand and vigorously tugged it back and forth along his back.

"Kanda-san," spoke Lenalee finally. Both children were amazed that she remembered his name. "What's Japan like?"

"It's none of your damn business." He began to scrub his thin chest and underarms.

The Chinese girl flinched at his brusque retort and turned her attention to washing herself as well. She was about to pick up the shampoo bottle but the label of the adjacent container caught her gaze. Her eyes sparkled.

"Hey, Kanda-san, you didn't tell me they had bubble bath here," she exclaimed excitedly. Although she only had one, the memory of her brother lowering her into a tub full of fluffy bubbles brought tears of nostalgic happiness and longing to her eyes. Kanda, despite himself, turned towards her in piqued curiosity at the strange label.

"Bubble bath? What the heck is a bubble bath?"

Lenalee giggled, delighted that her male counterpart displayed a more human characteristic like confusion. "It's exactly what it sounds like, you pour it in and then it makes lots of bubbles. Like this," she dumped the entire contents of the tiny bottle into the murky bathwater. A cloud of fragrant bubbles immediately sprang forth, swallowing the grinning girl up to her neck.

Kanda's expression flattened, unimpressed. "That's it? How lame." He resumed relentlessly scraping away whatever dirt clinging to him.

Lenalee was not pleased by his dismissive comment, but she refused to be conquered by his bad attitude. She grinned mischievously before scooping up an armful of bubbles and flinging it directly into his sulky face.

The familiar burning sensation was reacquainted with his eyeballs as he yelped in alarm and pain. He jumped like a cat blasted with water from a fire hydrant and violently wiped off the bubbles while attempting to blink away the pain. "Wargghh! You freaking piece of shit, go to hell!"

Lenalee was laughing too hard at his dramatic and floundering reaction to be offended by his tapestry of curses, which further provoked the quick-tempered Japanese exorcist. He glowered at the girl through the cloud of tears summoned by the acidic irritation and lunged toward her. Girl or not, weaker than him or not, he was going to take down this punk and get on with his life.

What pissed him off even more was when she effortlessly scooted out of his reach and grabbed him by his long hair to pull him back into the tub, giggling the entire time as if she was having a grand time. Water flew everywhere as he crashed to the bottom of the wooden bathtub with no girl in his arms to drown. His head lurched up to the surface and he coughed, spitting out suds and water only to be assaulted by a second flurry of bubbles. After shaking away the soapy infidels clinging to his face he swung his arm into the water, lifting a huge sheet of water straight towards Lenalee. Unfortunately for her, she had been laughing with her mouth open and tears streaming when the wave hit but she was much too entertained to even fight back and allowed the boy to continuously shower her with furious waves. Her back slumped against the wall as she coughed and caught her breath, laughing and breathing heavily. Kanda's attacks ceased as well to his dismay. There was no fun fighting someone who won't fight back. So he just sat there, fuming and wondering what to do to her next.

It was silent again and the only sound that could be heard was their labored breathing as the two children calmed down. The girl pushed her sopping bangs out of her eyes and faced the boy sitting in front of her.

"That was the most fun I had in a while."

What a ridiculous thing to say after the entire bubble bath fiasco. "Maybe for _you_ it was. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I can't, can I? We're friends now."

"No, we're not! Why would I be friends with you? You're annoying, you're weak, you're a crybaby… I can't stand people like you!" snapped Kanda exasperatedly. He hated dealing with delusional people, there was no way to reason with them or get them off of your back.

Lenalee's cheeks puffed and she glowered back at Kanda. His words were unkind but they weren't mean enough to make her cry. The boy was easy to read, he couldn't have meant that after such a wonderful time and he didn't know her well enough to actually mean his insults. Friends or not friends, she nonetheless leaned toward his face, lips pursed.

Kanda's eyes and mouth widened in horror and he hastily drew himself away as though she were a rattlesnake ready to strike.

"What the crap are you doing?" he screamed as he withdrew far away to the other side of the tub, a blush creeping over his countenance.

Lenalee couldn't help but roll her eyes. Her new friend was a difficult person indeed. "_Duh_. I'm giving you a kiss."

The blush only reddened more and the water on the Japanese child's face began to evaporate. "Wh-what the—why!" he blubbered, taken aback.

His flustered condition made Lenalee grin involuntarily. Messing with him was so much fun. "Why, girls are supposed to do that when a boy does something nice for them!"

"You're crazy! I didn't do anything! You were the one who barged in here when I didn't want you to!"

"But you didn't throw me out, did you? You were nice enough to let me stay. So, I'm giving you a kiss." Kanda was dumbfounded. He may have been considerate enough to not toss her out but she failed to notice his malicious intent to drown her.

Lenalee didn't wait for a response and continued to inch towards him. "Just hold still."

"_No_! Get away from me!" The boy leapt out of the bathtub and nearly slipped when his dripping wet feet made contact with the smooth tiled floor. One glance over his shoulder showed Lenalee crawling out of the tub in hot pursuit.

"Kanda-san, wait!"

Seeing that the girl was insistent on this silly little ritual was enough to make him bolt out of the men's room without stopping to cover himself. All he wanted to do now was to increase the distance between him and his persistent predator. His soaked long hair flapped behind him and whipped his bare back as he streaked down the dark halls, preferably to his room. His escape was cut off when he bumped into a tall, strange, hooded man dressed in flowing black robes standing with another man clothed in identical attire. He didn't have time to be confused when the stranger spun around and wrapped one arm around his arms and waist and the other around his neck.

"I caught her! Tell the inspector Lenalee Li has been found and seized!" he barked to his comrade in a raspy voice.

The man's partner nodded and reported in through the golem flapping incessantly next to his cowl. "Sir, we… yes. Yes, it's definitely her. Slight build, long black hair—"

By now Kanda realized that they were mistaking him for some girl. Which one, he didn't know and didn't care.

"I'm a _boy_, you retarded asshole!" He twisted himself from his captor's grasp and promptly swung his shin straight up in between the legs. A strangled yelp hissed from the strange man's mouth as he crumpled to his knees, gasping and coughing.

"Why you—!" The other strange man lit the candles with a wave of the arm to reveal the Japanese nudist standing there before him, in all his male glory.

The man sputtered and said to the golem, "Sir, you said the escapee was female!"

A pair of skinny little male arms clenched themselves around the reporter's neck. "That's why you've got the wrong person, you pervert!" roared Kanda as he began to squeeze with vengeance. He could feel the violator's windpipe strain and wheeze for air.

"What's all the commotion?" Several doors opened in the hall and his fellow exorcists' disgruntled heads poked out to observe whatever could be responsible for the disturbance of their precious and fleeting sleep. They, however, did not expect to see a stark naked lad dangling from the neck of a large-built cloaked giant nearly twice his height.

Some of the bystanders sheepishly closed their doors and some just stood there, trying not to snicker. It was gold—the impertinent little brat from Japan who refused to be tamed was in an awkward situation indeed.

It was then the realization of his position hit the boy, and he tried to keep the blood rushing up his body from collecting in his face. He gave the black-clad man a final kick in the back and he ran all the way back to the men's room, glaring at whoever dared to stare. It was that stupid girl Lenalee's fault—if it weren't for her weirdness, he wouldn't be in this an embarrassing situation!

He slammed open the door to his stall, wanting nothing else than to punish the Chinese girl and to pound curses into her silly little head for being responsible for his humiliation. To his furious surprise, Lenalee was gone and so were her clothes.

"What the… where'd that jerk run off to?" He walked inside and even as he continued to look around, there were no traces of the girl.

"Tch." _Fine. I'll just smash her into paste the next time I see her_. He reached into the tub and yanked on the stopper, allowing the bathwater to drain. He sneezed. _Great, now I'm sick. It's all that bitch's fault!_ He grabbed the green towel hanging on a bar next to the tub and noticed that it was damp. He groaned. The girl crashed his bath time, tried kissing him which in turn put him on the spot with the grown ups, and now used his personal towel to wipe herself and took off. Fuming, he dried himself off with the contaminated towel, got dressed, and stormed off to his room.

---

It turned out that he was unable to impose divine judgment upon the girl for she was nowhere to be found for the next couple of days. He had overheard some of his older coworkers gossiping in the dining hall about some girl whose Innocence refused to sync and was constantly trying to run away and eventually had to be restrained. Kanda munched on his soba noodles. _So. The girl they were after the entire time was that Lenalee kid._ Right at that moment, he remembered the scrapes on her wrists and the bruises on her legs.

_Was she running away from them?_ His eyebrows creased. What could they be doing to her now? He blinked; surprised that he found himself thinking about the unexpected visitor from that night. With a '_tch_', he pushed away the thought of the Chinese girl and focused again on his meal.

It was hard to forgive Lenalee for the streaking incident however, especially when some of the older Exorcists who were present would snicker whenever he was around. They laughed while they could, as Kanda's bite soon caught up with his bark. As his bratty demeanor gradually transformed into a silent and deadly one, people began to joke less and even talk less with him and around him. Lenalee, on the other hand, continued to, or rather, continued to attempt to strike up small conversations between them. She was much more different now than from before. She wasn't shy and nervous, but bold and courageous. He never told her to go away, neither did he tell her to stay. Lenalee was cheery, but it didn't get on his nerves like the others did. That is, until she would say:

"Hey, do you remember when—"

"Shut up."


End file.
